So basically is there anyway to fix the 5.4 so that the coolant can stop mixing with the oil, and so that the coolant reservoir doesn't consist of water anymore, is it better off i take some paper towels and clean off the oil cap and list her for sale?

 

You don't make any sense.Why not describe in a sensible way what is happening so we can assist.Are you losing coolant? What does the oil look like? Is the crud under your oil fill, is what you are concerned about?

 

Yeah, there isn't a feature that mixes coolant with oil.
Without an overflow reservoir for the cooling system, you will have a cooling system that pretty much doesn't work.

Shop towels may be more absorbent than regular paper towels.

In all seriousness, are you asking why you unfortunately have a head gasket leak?

 

Change both head gaskets and you should be good to go.

 

^this. Sounds like coolant is leaking around the head gasket(s) into the cylinder(s)